self-trust

at tonight's meeting we read various selections from the "for today" book. the quote for January 28th was "self trust is the essence of heroism". a lady shared that she when she thought of a hero it was someone who trusted themself to act in the right manner during a crisis. for her she has self trust because she has trust in god. as she immerses herself into god she finds her thinking and behavior changes, so she no longer has to be fearful around food-- or not trust her judgement in any circumstance she finds herself in.

another lady shared about the three P's: plan, prepare and pray. plan her meals, prepare her meals, and pray that god helps her stay abstinent. abstinence is the core of recovery. it is power. it is life. without it i DIE.

i am part of an email recovery group and a lady wrote this today which i think is a great summary on the importance of being abstinent. the necessity of clinging to this life raft that is saving from drowning in the misery of compulsive overeating.

"I will also always advocate black and white abstinence, because giving up the drug of choice is always the first goal of any 12 step program. Every one of the 90+ old-timers that I've listened to will say "my abstinence is..." and if they adhere to it, they're abstinent, and if they don't they're not. I guess that's as black and white as it gets, but I don't see it as a bad thing, and I don't agree that "most" recovering OAs could not survive this way since I learned it from all of them in the first place. As far as dealing with food in general goes, there are tons of ways to approach it, as we'll all seen over our lifetimes. But this is OA, and the objective is abstinence. It used to be a tool for recovery, but now it is the goal of recovery and the tools are what help us achieve it one day at a time.

Sure, there are two other legs of the stool, but the first leg, and most important leg is abstinence. I didn't come to such black and white thinking by accident. I came to it when I realized that OA is a food oriented form of AA and therefore, in order to recover, I had to give up the foods that caused me to COE. An AA gives up all alcohol and it doesn't get any more black and white in that program. Ours is the same program, except our substance is food as it manifests in overeating. We don't tell an AA that a few sips of beer is ok as long as he didn't drink a pint of vodka. They're either sober or they are not and drug addicts are either clean or they are not. Spenders are either overspending or they are not and gamblers are either gambling or they are not. In terms of recovery, there are many paths to take, but in terms dealing of the substance abuse, it's very much black and white across the board. If an alcoholic is still drinking, he can still be working toward recovery, this is true, but he is not sober. If I'm still in the food, I can still be in recovery, striving for abstinence, but I'm not abstinent."

by the way today was fabulous. i made it through binge free last night only by god's grace and help. though recovery is difficult it is not possible. when i do use the tools it works. thank god for peace today. the anxiety, unsettledness that i felt yesterday is GONE. thank you god for peace-today. i will get up tomorrow and do the same work so that i can have the same daily repreive tomorrow. that is truly a samll sacrifice for the gift of abstinence.