step away from the sugar!

am i happy in my current state?
no.
went to my second meeting here in my hometown since i'm here for the holidays and it was a speaker meeting. i tried to stay aware as he was speaking instead of looking for things to criticize. some things he shared were:
-he finds comfort in the structure of weighed and measured meals
-he is consistent
-he does a lot of service
-he goes to meetings even when he does not feel like it

he appeared pretty serene, so i wanted to remeber what he said and try to apply that to my program. on second thought i will DO what he said.
he talked about how when he really got abstinent he can clearly recall time and phases in his life because he was actually seeing/experiencing his life in real time-- instead of being sedated and not really present.
i am not content with my life. there has to be more. so many times i hear people say that "it is not about the weight for the" well frankly (right now) physical recovery- as a young woman with 100+ excess pounds- it means a whole lot.
from what i hear from others who have recovered and read in the big book- there is a solution. god i pray for the willingness to be "painstaking", rigorously honest, thorough, not fool myself with half measures, go to any length, let go absolutely and completely abandon myself to you and the program.
i have to PUT THE FOOD DOWN!